While you are sitting at home, munching on whatever the heck that is in your bowl, the scientific world is still not able to digest the fact that a renowned Swiss scientist Dr. Hans-Peter Birchler from CERN’s Large Hadron Collider facility was the first human to have intercourse with none other than a space- time hole! Science has advanced so much that the Swiss scientist not only tried but also succeeded in having coitus with the foundation of our being.
Space-time Continuum is basically the fusion of the three dimensions of space and one of time which together make a four dimensional continuum. Scientists have put their heart, soul and body (literally!) to find out more about this theory and understand the relativistic effects of it.
The procedure had billions and billions of dollars riding on it and a skeptical atmosphere was evident during the “process” which made it such a big breakthrough. Scientists are already calling it the most important discovery of this century. Despite being a scientific breakthrough, it was also funded by several governmental organizations and also the Penthouse Institute. Further details of the ‘study’ will be published formally in a scientific journal later this year. Popular researchers and scientists are already claiming that this significant achievement will open up ventures in the area of “Quantum Dildonics”. It is said that after their victory, scientists hugged each other.
As insane as it sounds, it actually is a pretty big deal for a human being to experience such an ordeal.
Here’s what Birchler had to say about it:
“I will not get too deep into the math, but tearing the hole in the fabric of reality, that was the easy part. After that is where things get tricky,”
The scientist insists that “many details must remain private between me and my dear space-time hole.” Yep, he just got epic bragging rights.
“Obviously, there were some non-scientific victories for me as well,” said Birchler who glows with pride now.
Is he hinting at his personal life? We’re not so sure. Birchler, who is going to go on a global lecture tour in this month, plans to call up every jock and athlete from high school and ask them, “who is the virgin now?”
A professor of Quantum Mechanics at UC Berkeley, Karen Strand adds, “Who can say where this research will take us,”
“Will we see advances in interdimensional prophylactics? Will the military attempt to weaponize it?”
“Will humanity one day be able to stare into the face of God, and kiss that face, just smooch it all over, hot and wet,” she continues. “You know? Just really sloppily and sweetly make out with the face of God?”
Now we know why God is hiding up there. If someone would force their member at me, I’d probably hide too.
If anything, I think science just got a lot more cooler. Let’s see what else the future holds!